Loneliness
by shoot the tiki6
Summary: Spike, after Twilight leaving him once more, can no longer stand the loneliness and solitude. This is a one-shot with no happy ending. Will be updated over time.


_'It's sad really that the only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I don't want to hurt anyone, but the reason I want to kill myself is because everyone is hurting me.'_

 _\- Unknown_

 **The Golden Oaks Library**

Spike has been sitting on the stairs, feeling sad with a note in his right hand. He brought it up to his eyes and read the note again.

 _I'm currently hanging out with my friends to see Celestia and Luna. Make sure the library stays clean and assist any customers that stop in._

 _Twilight Sparkle_

Spike has been repeating the same words in his head since he woke up some time ago. He was feeling a bit depressed since Twilight does this every time she leave. She always leaves a note saying she's hanging out with the gang with Owlicious, and expects him to be joyful and happy in the library with no problems.

Oh, how more wrong can she be?

Spike sat on the stairs sighing as he looked back at the other times she did this. To keep in mind, this wasn't the first time she decided to leave without asking him if he wanted to come. She's done it when the gang went to the Galloping Gala where he was left at Joe's Donuts, or when they went to see Rainbow Dash compete at the Wonderbolt's Competition. I mean, he didn't even get to see any of their birthdays, not even Twilight's! How is that even fair!?

'I might as well ignore it and get the chores done. I don't want to get another scolding from Twilight.' Spike thought, as he got up and started cleaning around the library. He polished the tables, dusted the shelves, sweeped the floors, vacuumed the sofa and chairs and even did all of the bedding and the laundry. After all was done, he went upstairs to his bed.

It was silent in the library. Not a single sound was made, not one pony came in to check out books, no one stopped by. It almost felt like the building was abandoned in some way.

Spike just stared at the ceiling, wondering what he was missing out on. He began to get more sadder at the thought of him being left out of everyone, the Elements of Harmony not even knowing he existed. Tears began to stream down his face. Not only did he feel left out... he felt they don't care about him.

It doesn't matter what he does, or what tasks he accomplishes, how many times he saved his friends from ultimate doom. In the end, he'll be treated no differently the next day. He won't get any praise or gratitude for his hard work. He won't get any form of a gift from them. He won't get anything. He'll just be known as their "Spikey-Wikey" and nothing more.

Spike silently cried that soon turned louder than he's ever been. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to chase after Twilight and the gang unexpectedly, as he doesn't know what their reactions will be. He felt neglected, forgotten, isolated from them and loneliness. He couldn't even think of what Twilight would even say when she got back. All he knows is she wouldn't say 'I'm sorry for not taking you. But I'll make it up to you.' Or 'I'll have something planned just for us two.' It never comes out. It was always 'I had a great day. You've should've seen it Spike...' And whatever he missed, she would tell him as if he didn't miss it.

As if he was there to experience it all.

All of the memories of him being left behind or just completely forgotten cam rushing to him in a heartbeat. Every moment passing by him made him feel weaker and more depressed. The thoughts of them not even caring what happens to him made him have a feeling he never thought he would never had.

Suicidal.

He knows it, they know it, everypony knows what happens when anypony gets this depressed and weak. They contemplate suicide. Whether it's quick and easy or slow and painful, ponies will indeed get to that level of just wanting the pain to end. For him to be completely ignored, having little to no gratitude received, for him to be treated like a... slave... can push anypony to that limit.

Without thinking how anyone would feel, he went down to the kitchen and grabbed one of the many cutting knives from the drawers. It was indeed sharp enough to penetrate even the toughest of surfaces. He knew from him sharpening it every week, the idea it would even go dull and be useless was doubtful.

Spike was about to place the knife on his left wrist when he thought of something nopony probably never thought of: What would happen if he cut vertically instead of horizontally? Of course he knew what would happen: his death would be permanent. He knew, because while the doctors can stitch up a wound, they can't stitch up a blood vein.

And it sounded perfect to him.

Without thinking, he switched the knife vertically and slowly sliced towards him. Blood began to gush out of the fresh wound at a rapid pace. Soon enough, he felt his vision fading into darkness from the excessive blood loss covering his entire arm. He dropped the knife and fell face first onto the floor, a pool of blood surrounding him, some even splattering along the cabinets and the table feeling satisfied with his decision.

* * *

Twilight and her friends along with Owlicious, were approaching the library. After a long day of assisting the two princesses they needed to relax. Even Pinkie Pie looks like she needed to rest.

"I didn't expect Celestia to have me helping them for THAT long." Twilight exasperated.

"Indeed. I didn't expect Celestia to hand us so much unnecessary work." Rarity added.

"Well, at least the day's over and we can relax." Rainbow said. Applejack rolled her eyes.

"Oh shush up Rainbow. Ya didn't do anything the whole time ah was there. Ya don't see me complainin'." Applejack retorted. Rainbow just mumbled to herself in response.

"Well, hopefully we won't have much to do for the next few days." Twilight said, as she unlocked the door and entered. "Spike, we're home!" She said. However, no response came. Twilight raised her eyebrow in curiosity. "Spike?" She said once more.

"Darling, maybe he's busy with something?" Rarity suggested.

"Pff, yeah right. Probably writing another love letter to you." Rainbow said gesturing towards Rarity, which was received by a hard nudge from Applejack. Twilight ignored Rainbow's remark and hey all walked upstairs. Twilight knocked softly, but not receiving anything from the other side. She opened the door to see Spike's bed empty.

"Do you see anything Twilight?" Fluttershy asked.

Twilight only shook her head. "This doesn't make any sense. Where could he have gone." She said herself. Usually, he would respond immediately and show up downstairs with a smile, willing to help. But she couldn't come up with a possible reason on why he wouldn't. She looked around the room to spot nothing out of the norm. Before she left the room, she spotted a notebook sticking out of Spike's bed.

Out of curiosity, she grabbed it and opened it to a random page. She read it to realize it was his journal.

 _Journal Entry 17_

 _Well, Twilight left with her friends once more, and to make it even worse she took Owlicious with her but not me. Please tell me this won't be the continuation of my childhood. Where I'm constantly left alone and not being loved. And oh, it get's even better. She plans to leave again to assist Celestia and Luna in a few days. However, she hasn't mentioned if I'm going, but she says she's taking Owlicious again. Surely, the two princesses will ask where I'm at, and Twilight will probably come up with some excuse for my absence._

 _I ask with all of sincerity to Celestia, why is my life like this? Do you think I enjoy being alone, left to clean and maintain the library while you get to leave with your friends to have fun? I mean, yes, I only am a baby dragon. But that doesn't mean I'm outright useless to Twilight... or maybe I am. Maybe I'm not needed in their life. Maybe it would be better if Twilight didn't have someone to constantly look after, especially since she hasn't let me take a break. I might as well deal with it, hold onto the hope she will acknowledge me someday. Someday. But that might never come..._

Twilight looked at the journal in disbelief. She couldn't believe what Spike was going through. 'Was I really that cruel to him?' She thought to herself.

" **sniff, sniff.** Hey Twilight, did your food spoil again?" Rainbow said, covering her muzzle in disgust. Everypony else smelled it, and followed it to the kitchen while covering their muzzles. However, none of them were ready when they walked in.

All of them looked in horror as Spike laid face down in a pool of blood, with his left arm, covered in blood, cut deep showing muscles and a knife sitting not too far from him. The kitchen also looks like a crime scene as blood was splattered across the cabinets. There was no motion coming from him, and after a minute Twilight approached slowly and nudged him. After nothing, she instantly sobbed right there while her friends immediately rushed up to her. She couldn't control herself as she continuously cried uncontrollably over Spike's dead body. The Mane 6 began panicking.

"Twilight, t-t-teleport us to the hosp-pital!" Fluttershy said. After Twilight didn't respond, she asked Rarity to do it.

"Fluttershy, my magic isn't strong enough to teleport all of us! Y-you know I only lift scissors and cloth!" Rarity said.

In one quick motion, Rainbow scooped Spike's bloody body into her own foreleg and instructed to meet her at the hospital and took off. Despite Twilight not being able to comprehend what just happened, she co-operated and teleported everyone including Owlicious to the hospital, where they saw Spike lifted onto a hospital bed and taken to the emergency room. Twilight was being comforted by Fluttershy and Rarity, who were pained to see this happen. Pinkie's hair has long ago deflated as she was now sad, Rainbow is shocked still and doesn't know what to think, and Applejack only sat quietly on the chair. All they could do was wait.

* * *

It felt like days has passed when it has only been eight hours. Nopony left the hospital, all wanting to be there when Spike wakes up. Twilight had almost tackled the nurse when she stepped out to tell the news.

"Please tell m-m-me he's going to-o be okay! Please!" Twilight was literally pleading for mercy he wasn't long gone. Unfortunately, that was not the case.

"I'm sorry Twilight. He did not make a recovery. He suffered excessive blood loss from multiple veins cut on his left arm, and we couldn't revive him. I'm unfortunate to say he's dead. I'm sorry for your loss." The nurse replied sadly, putting her hoof on Twilight.

Twilight couldn't think. She couldn't comprehend what has been said. She didn't want it to be real. She wanted it to all be a dream. She wanted it to be some sick game set up by anypony.

But, it wasn't.

Spike was gone. And she only has to accept it. She once again began to sob while hugging the nurse. All the years she had with him, from when he was first born, to his first steps, his first words. All the years he has assisted her, helped her, and was always there for her and her friends... and now he's gone.

All her friends all looked down in silence, with Applejack taking off her Stetson hat. Twilight just couldn't believe what she put Spike through. All the help, and him even putting his life in danger in order to save theirs. And not one ounce of gratitude coming out of it. She didn't want it to end. She wanted him back.

Without a second thought, she immediately rushed into the Emergency Room. Despite the nurse and her friends to tell her to stop, it all fell deaf to her. She had one task on hand. And she was going to complete that task.

After searching, she eventually found the room Spike was in. She saw him lying down on the bed with his left arm stitched, along with dried blood on the sheets and even the floor, while the IV monitor read no pulse out of him. She looked at him with regret and guilt washing over her. She put her hoof on Spike's chest. Tears streaming down her face. She couldn't have noticed it too late to save one's life. Now he's gone, all because of her unawareness of his depression. She knew he was depressed at some points, but shrugged it off as though he was sad about Rarity rejecting him for the 50th time in a row. She merely only looked at Spike, and said, with pure sincerity.

"I'm so sorry Spike. I-I wish there was s-some way of bringing you back. P-p-please tell m-me you'll forg-g-give m-m-me." Twilight once again broke down crying after squeezing out the last sentence, knowing he was long gone. Her friends came in soon afterwards and looked at Spike with sadness and guilt. If only they knew they were hurting him.

This would've never happened.


End file.
